Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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