i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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