Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
