Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
