if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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