i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Boobs speak an international language.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
