oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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