I hate all girls vehemently.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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