i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
two words: eviction party
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
