i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
