the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
