my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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