just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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