I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
