I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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