I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize