it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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