So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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