I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
