I am in a vortex of obligation.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
