She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize