I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
