I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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