She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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