Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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