I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
