he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
