hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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