Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
