just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
