I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
