I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i came on her dog
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
