If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
