Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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