I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
