The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
