I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
