Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
