She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
