sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize