So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
