It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
