did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize