I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
