i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize