I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
