your room smells of hookers.
And success
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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