i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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