Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
