ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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