I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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