where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
