So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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