oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize