my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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