my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize