I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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