Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize