Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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