Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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