So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
