She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
