just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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