Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
