Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
