Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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