I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
