so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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