i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize