Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
