so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize