It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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