somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
