I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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