I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
