I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
