Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
