I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
