So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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