My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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