woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
