I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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