The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
