Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
