i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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