If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Terrible idea I love it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
