I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dick very happy bro
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
