i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize